It's just one of those days again. The ones that you wake up and hope against hope that it'll be different from the day before. Just so you'd know, I was cleaning up so well until it all spilled on the floor again. I can't tell you why I crumble over and over again when I see your name on the screen.
My fragile heart is not to be trusted anymore. It tells me lies, oh-so-blatantly. But I keep going back to it for advice again and again, just like how I keep going back to you. Even though you ignore my very existence. Even though you've moved on. No one knows that you are this heartless. Every one of them holds you in high esteem, putting you on this pedestal not worthy of you.
Why is it that I am pushed so far away? Far into the depths of my own assumptions and thoughts. Did I ever hurt you? You would never tell. I did so many things wrong, and so did you. Countless nights I spent, crying myself to sleep, taking my time to justify all the hurt I felt inside.
I don't hate you, I never did.
You taught me so many things. I never knew I was capable of feeling the way I did prior to you. You showed me I was human. No, actually you shoved it in my face so that I wouldn't miss it. People might laugh it off as just a schoolgirl crush that went out of hand, (heck, even I'm tempted to), but I assure you it was more than that.
But then if I did exactly that, how do I explain away all the other things?
I sometimes have the urge to stick the key in the ignition and just speed off to our old haunts. Hoping, I guess. For what exactly, I don't know. To see you? To break down and cry myself sober? To go back to the past?
I don't want you back. I just want to feel normal again.
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