So.

I am everything you want

I am everything you need

I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be

I say all the right things

At exactly the right time

But I mean nothing to you

And I don't know why.
:(

When the Wind Blows

Funny how not hearing from you in the past 24-hours has so easily caused me insomnia. I can be a pain in the ass to myself sometimes. Ever since that confession episode, you've dilligently acknowledged me everywhere my name's popped up. So unlike you. And you even bought top up to text me in the dead of the night, just like old times. How thoughtful.
But to tell you the absolute truth, it kinda got on my nerves.
After telling you about how I felt, I wasn't so sure about my feelings anymore. Call it an abrupt personality disorder, blame it on my teenage hormones, do whatever. That was the plain truth. How selfish of me.
And last night, our conversation died before it even got the chance to take its first breath. I'm guessing that your stupid phone was the culprit. Amazingly, I didn't freak out and jump to a million different "colourful" conclusions. Back to proofreading assignments it was, backache and all.
The morning had a surprise in store for me. You could call it pleasant, I suppose. The red light on my Blackberry kept blinking incessantly. One missed call. A Shah Alam number. You. Or at least I hoped it was. The next thing that sprang to mind was that I had slept like a log. Reading hundreds of pages of broken English will do that to you. I couldn't help a small smile to myself. Wow. That was rare.
After shaking off the last dregs of sleep, my brilliant brain (I'll be vain just this once, I promise) came up with a theory. If you didn't text me tonight, then that definitely was, without a single trace of doubt, your house number that was on my missed calls list and not some pervert that's been trying to get my attention. Some people just don't get it. Morons.
Tick tock. Tick tock. 24 hours gone. No word from you.
Bravo, Mundi. Bravo.
I told you I was brilliant.
So much for you getting on my nerves for saying hi too many times. When it's right in front of me, I shove it away; when it's out of my grasp, I want it badly.
What can I say? I always want what I can't have. Bad habit.
Tsk tsk.

Oops... I Did It Again.

So I confessed. I told you straight up that I like you. Your response to my confession was expected. But it did nothing to dull the blow. No matter. At least I did what I had to. After that I felt light and most of all, liberated. No doubt a few tears trickled from the corners of my eyes afterward but I was free. At long last. I managed to summon the courage needed to tell you those three words. Not exactly true because they didn't actually sum up all my feelings adequately but at least I got it out. Thank heavens.
Whatever happens between us after that chat session, I'd have to accept it with open arms. Even if I didn't want to. What's done, is done. There was no way in hell I could turn back.
But you did something that totally wasn't you. You said hi the next day. Why give me hope? Stop tormenting me. Stop your taunts. I don't think I can handle it anymore. I just want to know what's it like on your side of the universe. What do you think about, what makes you smile, what do you do when you need somebody to turn to, and mostly, what do you think of me?
Why tell me all those little things when they only give me signals and even more reason to hope? Somehow I just know that deep down, you share the same feelings as I do. Eventhough they're no more than a small speck of substance. Mostly insignificant and can be quelled without harsh means.
Where we are now, is my fault. Solely mine. I'm just as confounded as you are. With all these inappropriate emotions and all these questions that lead to more questions than answers.
My Rock is out of town. I feel a tad bit useless without him. He's as normal as normal can get. Mentality-wise that is. It's so hard to find a stable, breathing 19 year-old that actually thinks using his brain. His words save the day, time and time again. Come home already, man! Urgh.
Enough about wise-best-friends-that-fly-off-to-obscure-islands-to-cook.
I want to see you. But things always find a way to go awry at the last minute. I can't even express myself properly. The words keep tumbling out as if without queue. That's how messed up my thoughts are.
Bottom line is, I miss you. Whoops.

Let's go on dreaming for we know we are

So close

So close

And still so far.

God Bless

To everyone who had a hand in ruining my day,

 

FUCK YOU.