Like the Insides of a Rainbow Cake

For what it's worth, I like what's transpired over these past few days. I haven't felt weightless in a long time. Yes, this is what it feels like: weightless. And yes, by my standards, three years is a miserably long time.
I've never felt this way towards a boy. Never. My feelings usually eat me up inside whenever I like someone, dragging me down like an anchor and making me more depressed than happy most of the time. This is different. Different feels good.
I want to see you. All day, everyday. I want you to look my way and grin sheepishly. I want you to tell your friends about my existence. I want you to be. Just be.
Shit, I'm happy. And when I'm happy, I don't make a whole lot of sense. Maybe if I see you again tomorrow I'd lose my mind completely. Not such a bad thing, if you think about it.
The happy days are here. I hope you stay a while.

Directions to the Asylum

Hi. It's me again. The one with the heart problems. Well, to be fair I'm not literally suffering from a cardiac disease or anything but, my heart causes emotional turmoil for me on a daily basis so yeah, I think that qualifies.
My stupid heart never fails to surprise me. Everyday a new twist in its very own demented saga. I thought I had it figured out; how I'd react to certain stimuli and etc. But turns out my heart has other ideas, as it always does. I suspect my heart schemes a lot during its free time. Without me knowing, I might add.
So. Umm... There's this guy. (There always is! WTF?!) Another one. A new one to ramble about. This is beyond me.
Suddenly I'm feeling tremendous amounts of happiness because of this particular person. Good news is, I'm not overthinking anymore. It's like I'm almost not scared that we won't work out, that I'm ready to face any possiblity that's going to come my way. I'm almost thinking that we might actually be something. Together. Maybe. I feel such a good vibe surrounding us. Perhaps I'm dreaming.
Hope is becoming increasingly abundant in my vocabulary and general daily activities again. An improvement by a mile. And even better news: you know I exist! You actually know that I am another living creature that happens to dwell on planet Earth just like yourself. Oh, the euphoria!
I might be high. My hormones are bonkers. Don't be too happy, my dear emotionally-challenged heart. We could be revisiting depression soon. I wouldn't get my hopes up too much, only to be let down yet again, if I were me. Hmmmph. Everyone leaves, what makes you think he would be an exception?
Sorry, still too hyper to be bogged down by negativity. It's the shoulders, I tell you! It's always the shoulders. What kind of sorcery is this?! I hope I see you again tomorrow so that I can steal illegal glances. You're surprisingly cooperative. Response is the key. It will either make or break something.
You should wear your checkered shirt everyday, all the goddamn time so that it accentuates your broad (to-die-for) shoulders and all your lumberjack glory which gets me excited for no apparent reason. COME AT ME, BRO!
I'll see you then.

Pre-emptive Emptiness

There's a large vortex right in the middle of my stomach, entirely vacuum. My heart is still beating but to tell you the truth, that's all it ever does these days. I just want to be happy, okay? To taste how it feels again, to actually remember experiencing it. To make sure that it was't just a distant figment of my imagination. Happiness. Ironic how meaningless and elusive it is. I just feel like crying until I lose my mind completely.

 And just how depressing is that?

There and Back

Nine days just flew out the window. It's only the second day back to college and I feel my suicidal tendencies resurface again. My fault. Should've at least done some research about my assignments during the mid semester break. But noooo, I decided to wallow in my messed up emotions. It sucks being a girl. Involuntarily thrust on an emotional roller coaster ride that never seems to end. No explanations given or required.
Now I'm stuck on my computer, typing endlessly and praying that somehow I make sense to my lecturer. Losing sleep, feeling short tempered, depressed because of all the impossible deadlines due and having countless episodes as my brain goes into overdrive for all the unnecessary overthinking I'm doing.
Another six weeks before this semester comes to an end. Fastforward please!