Sniffles and Sneakers

So I found out that it's normal to feel broken sometimes. But like I said, sometimes, not all the damn time. Confession: I feel down most of the time, and I may or may not show it, either intentionally or otherwise.  Then there's this faint ray of light that bravely cuts through the storm and the rain clouds, giving me fresh hope and a rationed dose of happiness. And these moments have a nasty habit of being short-lived. Then back I go, lost at sea, rendered helpless on my little dinghy, being mercilessly beaten and tossed around by the waves of my insecurities, darkness and despair.
What happened to me? At what point in life did I lose myself? Okay so my life isn't totally spiralling out of control, it's just that I don't feel anchored. There's not one exact thing that I can hold on to, to know deep down that when I need it, it'll be there for me. Well, maybe not a something; a someone. Logically, a thing wouldn't be of much use since it's lifeless and all.
I need a someone to hold me by the arms and sit me down when I go crazy. To look me in the eye and know just what to say to calm me down, to reassure me that everything is going to be alright and that this shit pile in front of me isn't so big after all.
And after slight deliberation, I've come to a conclusion that there is no such thing as good grief. The person who coined the term must have been a real moron. Yes, it would be either that or his permanent address is in Lala-Land. That would explain a lot. I mean, think about it. No one is happy when they're sad. Maybe my theory isn't universal and can't be applied all the time, given. But almost all the time it would fit the situation. There's only bad grief, come to think of it. Say and think whatever, it doesn't change the fact that it's true.
At least one thing went right today. Norshahrul's picture came out in the newspaper, kissing his awards. *melts* Supermokh sial! Gomo, Kelate, gomo!
I want to start over. A new name, new address, new identity, new life.
Good God, I need to be rescued.  :(