Shattered. That's what I feel, in a nutshell. I don't care what kind or how many excuses they all generously come up for you, but this is a little overwhelming for me. Not now, not ever will I be ready to face this. If it didn't hurt me so bad, I would have packed my all excess baggage and sent them to the bottom of the ocean in a heartbeat. Thoughts that manifest into actions. Let no one find it. Let the fish stake claim. I don't care.
So how does this work? I slog and you bask in the sunshine? A knife deliberately traced across my throat, the cold metal blade dangerously close to severing the pain, once and for all. Do it! Don't think, because you might have second thoughts. You have to be merciless to have mercy. Remorse is just another word in the dictionary, another word someone somewhere in history came up with. It shouldn't concern you. Remember; merciless. You don't have a heart. And that's all that matters.
Respect is dwindling fast. I'm not sure wether to disrespect you for being a liar for twisting the truth, or for being a coward for not being able to stand up and face the truth. It hurts. More than you know, more than I care to let on.
I've just survived the crummiest two weeks of my year so far. I can't handle this right now. Smiling is hard because every millimeter my lips stretches, a piece of my heart is broken inside and falls into a dark abyss, irretrievably lost. Talking is hard because every word is a chore and the fear of my voice cracking being heard by everyone around me is a real threat in my mind. You've kept me sane for a fortnight. The tables have turned. Now you're being the instigator of my downfall. I did it once, I'm not sure the slightest bit if I'll be able to repeat the feat a second time. Encores are best left for musicians that have issues with their egoes.
I need to be rescued, but my hero is only a figment of my imagination.
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