14 days. 14 days. In the span of 14 days, I've gone from feeling ecstatic and enthusiastic about being alive to downright lost and depressed. The answer to the question of the ages has finally been answered. Thank you. You have no idea how grateful I feel. But the real thanks goes to The Architect. Without Him, nothing would have been made possible. Thank You for putting everything into motion.
My mind is in a million different places, fragmented and scattered in the wind. Feeling helpless and a little lost, just groping for the right words. I can't even express myself properly. That's how messed up I am. I know that I'll get through this but getting through is hard to do.
I didn't even know the man behind the icon but I feel the loss all the same. Just a name and a stolen glimpse. That was all it took to unlock the floodgate of tears. I break easy nowadays. I miss being normal; hard and emotionless, not caring about a damned thing. I didn't hurt as easy then. Meeting you was the pivotal turning point. Idiot.
Having the blanks finally filled with the answers I've been dying to hear since forever filled me with raw joy. Pure and wild. And I only get that rush when it concerns anything you-related. Feels oh-so-good, by the way.
Stay. Such a small meaningless word before but now means the world to me. Stay. I like how it rolls off my tongue, its taste in my mouth. Your fear is the one thing I intend to capitalise on. I hope you don't mind. But how is that you hold it together so well when we share so many things in common? I hate your poker face but I love your eyes. They suck at lying.
I'm truly baffled by the rate happiness seems to evaporate around me. Especially when those happy moments revolve around you. No, I'm dead serious. Its like I'm being sabotaged left, right and center. One moment I'm making a pitstop at cloud nine, in the next I'm teleported back to reality. Son of a bitch. And then sadness envelopes me in its clutches and holds me fast, before I can even finish spelling the word happy. I've been meaning to come online and post something as soon as possible but lo and behold, my laptop crashed and my life came to an absolute standstill until I heard the news. That news. I'm so sorry. So very sorry.
It was like the world crashed around me for the second time. No wonder I felt oddly neutral the whole day. It was like you just went off the radar, no signals. I remember not having any Facebook urges that day. So out of place. I should have seen it coming, but that's not the way is was supposed to play out, I guess. One last check on my BB before I hit the sack, I remember thinking. How wrong that turned out to be. And so the start of a tear-filled week began.
See? I told you. Barely a second into celebration mode and the carpet is yanked from beneath my feet. Bloody hell. How do I keep this up? I'm here. Always. Always. Which part of that do you have difficulty understanding? I don't expect anything, but I don't want to be shut out either. A thank you wouldn't hurt, you know. That's just common manners. Really now.
So I went from being red and angry at you for being a total douchebag, to being happy and carefree like the colours orange (apparently orange symbolizes lack of commitment, and what do you know, it's your favourite colour! Go figure -.-") and yellow, to being green with envy when I'm not the one you say hi to, to feeling blue about the things I do and don't have control over, to being highly intuitive about our little 'connection' in a shade of indigo, to going violet and letting things be.
But most of all, just like the colour of our cars, I feel like a non-colour, black.
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