Respite.

I feel sad. Like an extreme kind of sadness. But we left each other on a beautiful note the other day. I saw it in your eyes. But I have this fear inside of me that maybe one day you might not look at me like that again. And it pains me so much to think about it. I can cry just thinking about you. It doesn't even needs to be forced, the tears just flow, pure and clear.
Sometimes I'm so sure. Sometimes I just feel like crumbling into dust. But I'm convinced that I deserve you. I deserve you.  I don't mean to sabotage anybody, I just want to have you.
I want you to be happy, and I want to be the source of your happiness.
I want you to tell them how you really feel and make them understand your situation.
Please. Please. Please.
I need a miracle.
How do you know is someone is meant for you? I realize that I' m young but if you asked me to marry you, I'd say yes in a heartbeat and live knowing that I have a duty and a sense of purpose to fulfill.
Never in my life have I felt this way. I wish there was a way out. Most times, given the direness of our situation, I'd find myself surprisingly calm about it. Is this a good sign? Or is it a bad one? Or is it even a sign at all?
I don't know! I don't know! I don't know!
That's the whole trouble with me, I don't seem to know. I wish I did, though. And I wish the truth favored me this once. Just this once.
Its bubbling inside of me, this feeling, telling me that it could go both ways. But mostly it tells me that it might lean towards me. I hope to God that its true.
I swear, I would do anything to have you. Its not for my own selfish needs, its just that I feel we're just meant to be together and our union would be something beautiful, the stuff of dreams, the kind of pairing people be envious about and try to emulate us (in a good way, of course).
I wish God had Facebook or Twitter or an email address, at the least, so that I know He's received my prayers, that He's answered them or something.
Dear God, I really, really, really, really, really want to marry this guy. Like seriously. Help me, please, for You are the best of helpers and You are the one who responds to those in distress. Amen.