Weakling, I Am.

I don't know why I even bother. It's always the same. It's like we have our private repeat button. A quarter of a step forward then a zillion more to the back. And then I have to retreat into my little dark corner to lick my wounds. But before I start licking them clean, salt is rubbed in deep.
 You're just plain bad news. The words 'STAY AWAY' is written all over you but for some damn reason,  I don't seem to comprehend the meaning those words are trying to convey. The moment you smile, I immediately go weak in the knees. Yes, literally. And as if on queue, all the other systems in my body shut down, one after the other. All my 'iron' resolve then vaporizes into thin air and I'm back right where you left me, useless and stupid.
Yep, you have that kind of power over me. Pesky insignificant little you. God, I hate you! And I hate myself for being so easily persuaded by your idiocy. I was never this pathetic little human being prior to meeting you. But thats what I have been reduced to since knowing you. I walked with an air of arrogance and was so sure of everything, especially what it is that I wanted. But I guess arrogance is not a good trait to possess. So back to earth I was sent.
I have a confession to make. Everything before 'us' was fun. When you asked me that bloody moronic question, I had a good mind to say no in your face. But you looked like a vulnerable little puppy who desperately needed a home. So I took you in. Yes, I did it out of pity. The following two days was spent beating myself up for accepting something I didn't want. On the third day, I knew I couldn't make it without you.

I am an idiot.

We went our seperate ways and I cried almost every night. Then there was a relapse period where I tried to convince myself that nothing was going to be written in the next chapter of the book. And it worked. Almost. But there were sessions in the shower, in the room, anywhere that people wouldn't see or hear me crying over something so trivial. To me, that was good progress. Very good, in fact, because it occured only once in a while, not on a damned 24-hour cycle.
So much for progress, right? Seeing you again the other day set me off. Now every single thing reminds me of you. Sometimes it makes me smile like a lunatic for no reason but most of the time it pushes me to the brink of insanity.

It seems like peace is the only thing I'll never know.
Bloody well said.