Limbo

Sometimes I feel like it was all just an illusion.That I had made you up in my mind. That everything that's happened is nothing more than a figment of my imagination. The long stretches between one conversation to the next only seems to aggravate the situation. 

Most times I can't even imagine the way you look. I only see a silhouette, and everything else is a blur.

Where are we heading? We seem to take two steps forward and then twenty-seven to the back.

Death Wish

What's the point, anyway? 

You're born, you get by, you die.

All your efforts go unappreciated one way or another.

Nobody's gonna remember you.

I wonder who would mourn me if I died.

Hello?

You talk to me with words and I look at you with feelings.

It's 3.42 a.m. I can't sleep. All I'm thinking about right now is picking up the phone and telling you how much I miss you.

Hold me.

It's like the relentlessness of raindrops hitting the window pane. It's like the slow emergence of the sun after a drizzle. It's like having a scoop of ice cream and pancakes with whipped cream and maple syrup at the same time. It's like that line in a song. It's like curling up under a freshly washed blanket. It's like driving on a familiar road with the windows down and one hand on the steering wheel. It's like reaching the end of a good book. It's like waiting for a lover to complete the story. It's like travelling to a precious small town and discovering new things and feeling alive. 

It's nostalgia.

I love you.

She was in love with a boy.

He made her world go round. 

He put the stars in the sky. 

He felt exactly like home.

He made her breath catch, 

her stomach to turn. 

He made her cry at night. 

He made her feel alone.

He put a smile on her face. 

He made her hope with zeal. 

Sometimes she wondered

if he knew how he made her feel. 

Some days are hard,

others filled with flair.

She would give anything

just to make him real.

The pain she feels inside,

the fears she harbors, 

she prays they never come true. 

She knows he is her other half

and is sure he feels it too

but why were things so complicated 

if that were to be true?

She was in love with a boy.

Can't say I was never wrong, but some blame rests on you.

In five days I will be sitting for my final paper of the semester before a three-week long holiday. Introduction to Psychology. When I registered for the course at the end of last semester I thought to myself, God, this is going to be a pain in the ass. But turns out it wasn't after all. I've quite enjoyed my classes and my carry marks aren't too bad either. And since now I have a five-day gap, I intend to put in my all and ace this bitch. 

One day left to spend for the semester. 

I want to see you. I want to see you really badly. I want to see your reaction; how your body tenses at the sight of me, how panic registers upon your face, how your eyes soften, how you become lost and self-conscious all at once, how you look eagerly at me and wish in a million ways that things were different between us. 

Is it my fault what happened? I needed to know and you misinterpreted my good intentions. Your overreaction was uncalled for. And now, we are stuck in the vast desert of nothingness.

We both harbor fears. Somebody has got to give. Or else we will both be spending our days wondering what if. 

Time is running out. June is a little too close for comfort.

Mend.

Too much hope is a bad thing. Because you don't know if everything will work out or just dissolve into dust that will swirl in the wind and eventually be one with nothingness and everything all at once. And so you just sit there, waiting. Too afraid to be happy, too depressed at the prospect of being sad.

And you just wait, wait, and wait while life happens as you waste all those moments away. 

There are so many made up scenarios in your head that you fear will never materialize and yet you sit there, heart as fragile as brittle bones that would crack as soon as you moved. 

So you watch from a distance, wanting to feel but reduced to being detached. Maybe it will be alright. There are good days, and there are bad ones. And sometimes it feels like unhappiness is all you've ever known and all you will ever know. 

Happiness comes short and fast before it is gone again. But that's just it. Life goes on, with or without you.