Taking Stock

So many things have happened in 2018. Some great, but mostly not so great. Probably the only highlight was getting a postgraduate degree. And where has that landed me? Overqualified, and unemployed. Or maybe under-qualified and unemployed. Either way, I'm unemployed and it's getting on my nerves to see everyone else with stable jobs and relationships. Everyone except me.

Funny how all the boys I used to write about no longer play any part in my life and I cannot give two fucks about it. Just to think these were the same people who made me toss and turn in my bed. Life is strange. All my friends have grown up. Literally everyone has their lives together. And I am still here. I don't want to be mediocre. I don't want to be inconsequential. I was supposed to be stuff of legends. Why hasn't that been working out for me? Is this what all golden children go though? To be blessed young and cursed as we age? That's really dreadful. I hope things turn out well for me. Fingers crossed.

Vibrations

It's the second day of the new year. So many opportunities, so many possibilities. So many dreams my heart wishes to chase. And yet there is one that I can't seem to let go of. And the fear of losing it is crippling.

Please help.

Limbo

Sometimes I feel like it was all just an illusion.That I had made you up in my mind. That everything that's happened is nothing more than a figment of my imagination. The long stretches between one conversation to the next only seems to aggravate the situation. 

Most times I can't even imagine the way you look. I only see a silhouette, and everything else is a blur.

Where are we heading? We seem to take two steps forward and then twenty-seven to the back.

Death Wish

What's the point, anyway? 

You're born, you get by, you die.

All your efforts go unappreciated one way or another.

Nobody's gonna remember you.

I wonder who would mourn me if I died.

Hello?

You talk to me with words and I look at you with feelings.

It's 3.42 a.m. I can't sleep. All I'm thinking about right now is picking up the phone and telling you how much I miss you.

Hold me.

It's like the relentlessness of raindrops hitting the window pane. It's like the slow emergence of the sun after a drizzle. It's like having a scoop of ice cream and pancakes with whipped cream and maple syrup at the same time. It's like that line in a song. It's like curling up under a freshly washed blanket. It's like driving on a familiar road with the windows down and one hand on the steering wheel. It's like reaching the end of a good book. It's like waiting for a lover to complete the story. It's like travelling to a precious small town and discovering new things and feeling alive. 

It's nostalgia.

I love you.

She was in love with a boy.

He made her world go round. 

He put the stars in the sky. 

He felt exactly like home.

He made her breath catch, 

her stomach to turn. 

He made her cry at night. 

He made her feel alone.

He put a smile on her face. 

He made her hope with zeal. 

Sometimes she wondered

if he knew how he made her feel. 

Some days are hard,

others filled with flair.

She would give anything

just to make him real.

The pain she feels inside,

the fears she harbors, 

she prays they never come true. 

She knows he is her other half

and is sure he feels it too

but why were things so complicated 

if that were to be true?

She was in love with a boy.